I don’t (?) give a damn about my reputation

Something to do with post being about relationship with writing.

I wanted to start with a bang, a wow moment, a “woah did you see that Catherine girl’s first post?! Hot and Smart- what a catch!” - Sorry I’m getting carried away, however you get what I’m trying to say.

I didn’t want to post just any article, I needed to impress you, and impress myself. As much as I despise the #humblebrag, I had some work that could’ve met this personally set pre-requisite.  An eloquently written post about my recent trip to Thailand, or a column piece regarding prep for the upcoming Uni semester. Though I stupefied myself by feeling it necessary to let my first post be emotionally raw, to strip the veneer of my mind’s actual process. AKA, get real with the kidz (you).

Which is where my story of not (insert tentative question mark) giving a damn about my reputation began. As I sat hunched over (scoliosis you’ll be thanking me!) pondering away at a blank word doc canvas I found myself worrying if my writing had any potential alongside the standards of my peer’s posts. It is within this dynamic cauldron of pre-empted fear that people often shy away and don’t let their love or passion become public, contrary to their desires- apprehensive of not being the best.

I for one am guilty of this. I confided in my mother, only to receive critique, “What a stupid thought Catherine, you can write well, you’re no Whitman, but you can get by easily.” At times like this I’m not sure if she recognizes this as a disparaging remark or an esteem builder. I hope her intent is for the latter.

….. Alas, subsequent of mother dearest, the pivotal question then lies, if one enjoys writing should they really care if someone else has better grammar than them? Or has a slightly more intriguing way of writing? Or can type as if they were born with a Mac in their infantile hands? (What a woeful labour that one would’ve been.) Plain and simple, the answer is no we shouldn’t care, however the reality of this ease to not care is more often than not a myth.  I mean, even freaking Shakespeare developed an overarching inclination toward pretension for publicizing his work, and it’s kind of unanimous he did alright for himself in the end.

So, like Shakespeare, and yes I have likened my predicament to his (deal with it), I fixated myself into a position where there was no choice but to publicly post my writing. Which is my advice to you. If you love something? Just ‘do it’- a quote from John Cena, part-time philosopher. But seriously, constantly seeking  approval forces you to miss out on the beauty of simply being yourself, with your own unique ideas and desires. We’re all born with these different seeds of passion, be it writing, art, sports, hell it could be your alcoholic consumption ability; however, whether the seeds blossom is dependent on if we choose to water them. If we don’t, they will wilt, but if we do, if you can find that voice imbued with great aplomb, like myself with this blog, it will blossom, and when it blossoms it can be pretty darn great.

Catherine Collins